Part 6

What a horrible day. Max is out and I'm sitting at home, by myself. Sidney had called and asked if I wanted to go out to eat with the boys; I had agreed but we weren't meeting for another couple hours... I sigh and pick-up my phone, planning on calling Sidney back and seeing if he wants to meet up earlier.
The phone rings in my hand, causing me to jump a bit before I put it to my ear. "Hey Jordan! I need some..." Jared begins.

"How much?" I ask, cutting him off. It's always about money with him; at least since he started dating that Gemma one.

"Uhh..." I groans and I wait silently for him to answer, I can almost hear his brain trying to figure it out. "Like... 30 grand?"

"Are you shitting me?" My mouth drops open; Gemma like money but he's never asked for this much before.

"No..." He trails off.

I sigh, "I'll give you half... you talk to the other guys and figure something out."

"Ah sweet... thanks man." Relief floods his voice.

"Should I be concerned about what you need this for?" Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he needs it for drugs or something...

"Nope." He answers, popping the 'p' as he says it.

"Good n'uff." I hang up the phone; sometimes I wonder how he can be so pathetic. This Gemma one is obviously after the money... why can't he see that? Maybe we'll have to have a talk with him next time we're up... The phone rings again, cutting off my thoughts.

"Hey Sidney, what's up?" I ask, recognizing the number.

"Uh, not to much. We're gonna go play some pool first... you wanna come?"

Thank God! "Sure!"

"Alright, I'm on my way. See ya in a bit." I hang up and smile, leave it to the kid to save the day.


"Welcome to your new home!" Mario exclaims as he throws open the door to his huge house, ushering me inside. "Nathalie's not in right now, but she'll be back in time for supper... don't worry, I wouldn't make you eat my cooking." He chuckles at his joke and leads me up the stairs.
I give him an earnest smile as he looks back, still trying to remain calm... I mean, sure I'm living with him and working for him now but... holy crap batman, Mario Lemieux is talking to me!

He throws my bag on my bed and turns around to face me. "Alright well, this is it... you can do whatever you want to it... posters, paint, whatever! Make it feel more like home." I nod and glance around the room, it's alot bigger than my room back home. "Anyway, I gotta get going, I have a meeting with the coaching staff so... I'll see you later on." He gives me a pat on the back as he walks out of the door, leaving me alone.

I look around my room and let out a low whistle. The floor is a light-colored hardwood, and the walls are all white and empty; like a blank slate. The room feels metaphorical, like starting over.
I unzip my suitcase and start pulling my clothing out; sorting them into the empty drawers of an over-sized dresser, that matches the floor color.
The more clothing that I pull out of my bag, the more things that fall out of my bag. "What the hell...?" I ask out loud to no one in particular. I finish removing my clothes and tip the suitcase onto the bed, allowing the rest of the contents to fall out; pictures and envelopes. I pick up the stray ones off the floor and sit down on the bed.
A smile crosses my lips as I flip through the pictures, Alice had made doubles of all the pictures on my wall-collage and hide them in my suitcase. I laugh as I look through them, allowing the memories of home to swell through me. After a long time passes, I put the pictures down and move to the envelops. There are five of them and they all have a message on the outside; sealed shut on the back.
I start flipping through them; For your first win, for you first loss, homesickness, when the pressure is too much, when you're lonely.
I sigh and put the first four away, gently opening the last one.

"Jordie,

I wonder how long it will be, before you read this letter? Seeing as you're a big pro hockey player now; I'm sure you're surrounded by people, all inflating your ego. (Just remember, I'm faster than you'll ever be... so don't get too cocky!).
I'm not sure how to deal with loneliness; I've never been lonely, because I've always had you.

If you do find that at some point you get lonely, then remember that you have so many people thinking about you, and like me, they're probably wishing that they could be with you too.
Phone calls will never be the same thing, but you can always call me; I'll always answer. And the way we need to look at this is... if you want to be with someone... than aren't you kind of, already there?

Maybe I'm getting all sappy but, I heard this proverb once and I wrote it down to take with me... it makes me think of you:
'Within you I lose myself...
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again'

I hope this helps you, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Miss you much,
Allie"

I read the letter over a few more times before I feel the tears that are trickling down my face. I hear a slam from somewhere down below and whip my face with my arm, heading down the stairs to see what happened.

"Hey Staalsy!" Someone calls from the darkness. Soon enough, Max Talbot appears at the foot of the stairs, "You want some company tonight kid?"

"Sure." I nod as a few of my team-mates gather into the living room. There are 7 guys, including me and almost twice as many girls. They all flop down on random couches and the TV gets turned on. I shuffle down the stairs.

"Where's Mario and Nathalie?" Sidney Crosby asks, looking in my direction.

"Umm... Mario's gone to a meeting or something and Nathalie is suppose to be back soon."

"So you're one of the Staals?" A brunette asks as she takes a seat beside me. I nod.
The guys start asking questions about me and I try to answer them, then the conversation turns to stories about the team; they were quite the group of guys that was for sure.

After a while the girls decide that they want to see the famous Lemieux household; we shuffle off down the hall ways, looking at pictures and memorabilia like we were in a museum.
I feel like we're doing something bad, allowing all these girls in here; but judging by the guys, this is not the first time.
I hear my cell-phone go off and run into my bedroom to answer it; brunette and a friend follow along.

"Hey Jordie!" Alice chirps over the phone.

"Hey! I was just about to call you when the guys showed up... I read one of your letters."

"Oh! That's kind of embarrassing..."

"No. It was great. Thanks..." I couldn't contain my smile as I chatted with Alice, she had just finished packing and was leaving for New York in two days.

"Max!" A girl screamed as she ran into my room, hiding behind brunette. They all started giggling as Max followed them in.

"Oh, where are you?" Alice asks, I have to plug my other ear so that I can hear her.

"I'm in my room right now." I answer, glancing over and shaking my head at Max, who has his arms around two of the girls.

"Umm... maybe I should let you go then..." She sounds disgruntled now, I'm not sure why; maybe she just doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

"Yah, alright-"

"Come on Jordan!" One of the girls calls as Max drags her out of my room, cutting me off.

"Yah, come on man, we're going out." I nod and put up a finger; signaling to give me a minute.

"Well, don't want to keep you so... I'll just talk to you later."

"Yah alright... well it was good hearing from you! I'll give you a call tomorrow, will you be around?"

"No... I'll be busy packing."

"I thought you said you'd just finished-"

"No. I'm not done. Bye Jordan." She hangs up before I can say anything else. I shrug, not really sure what else to do.
I look up and Max is standing the door, motioning for me to follow him.

Part 5

'If I had a million dollars... if I had a million dollars... well I'd buy you a monkey..." I sing loudly from the passanger seat of Jordan's SUV. He is 17 and already has his own SUV... shit that's lucky.
We are driving through downtown Pittsburgh through the slow traffic. Every light we stop at is fun though; girls looking up at us and batting their lashes. I feel smug; I'm 15 and would have no idea what to actually do with a girl, but they're looking... that's all that matters.
I smile over at Jordan who has his eyes on the road, he's not noticing the girls in the convertable next to his window; staring at him.

"Dude... those chicks are watching you." I say, leaning over to get a better view.

"Probably." He says as he sighs. My brothers are crazy, I'd give anything to get this kind of attention back home, and here they are... wasting it.

We pull into the parkinglot, and head towards the elevator. "So what are we doing tonight?" I ask as the door closes and the elevator lurches up.

"Nothing. I have a game tomorrow. Remember? That's why you're here... to watch my games."

"Yah, and hang out! We should go to a BAR!" I shout at the idea, doing a little jig beside Jordan, who shakes his head and looks away rolling his eyes.

"You're like 8, you can't get into a bar."

"Woah, almost 16 and I know I can't... but YOU can get me in." I say slyly, nudging Jordan in the ribs as the elevator door opens.

"I'm not taking my 15 year old brother to a bar Jared." I sigh and following him down the hall towards his place.
He lives with Max Talbot... which is awesome.

"Hey Max!" I yell as I shuffle through the door after Jordan.

"Hey bud... ready to party hard this week? We should go to Diesel tonight..."

"Sure!"

"No," Jordan groans, glaring at Max. "No bar, no 'party-hard', just hockey and here. Go play some video games or something." He adds as he heads into the kitchen. I go into the living room and flop down beside Max on the couch; who happens to be the coolest person I've ever met.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out; mom's calling. I answer it, "Hey mom! I was gonna call you I swear we just got in-"

She cuts me off. "Jared dear it's Alice, I'm heading to New York to get her."

"Why, what's going on?" My change of tone catches Max's attention and he looks at me concerned.

"It's that boy... the one she's with. He got physical with her. I was just on the phone with the doctor, she had to get a few stitches and her jaw's being wired shut. I just wanted you to know where I am. I'll give you a call when I know more about what's going on."

"Alright mom, I love you. Tell Alice I say... hi... I guess." I scrunch up my face nervously, what do you say to someone that just got beat up by their boyfriend.

"I will dear. I love you, tell Jordan I'll phone him later." I hang up and look over at Max. "Alice, this girl from home-"

"The one you use to live with?" He finishes for me. I nod, of course Jordan would have mentioned her. They were always gross lovey-dovey eyes... ew.

"She's dating some jerk-off, he broke her jaw... mom's going to pick her up in New York." He nods and looks over the couch behind him. Jordan walks into the room.

"Ummm... Jordan... Mom called."

"That was fast." He chuckles, "we just got here." I don't respond and he walks over to me. Max looks nervous. "Is everything ok?" He asks slowly.

"Alice..." I start to say, not sure of how to continue.

He jumps down in front of me and grabs my arms pulls me towards him. "She what... Alice what?!" He starts to shake me, Max grabs him and breaks his hold.

"Calm down man." He says pull Jordan to his feet.

"He broke her jaw I think... it's being wired shut. Mom's going to get her."

He bites his bottom lip and crosses his arms over his chest. He turns his back to me and starts pacing around the room.

"Jordan?" Max asks after a minute, Jordan shakes his head but doesn't turn around. I know he's crying.

"What hospital?" He says, his voice thick with pain.

"I don't know... I didn't ask... sorry." He shakes his head again and turns around.

He walks over to the couch and flops down. "I don't know what to do." He says after a minute. Max sits down next to him. "Do I go there? Do I kill him? ... leave her alone. What?" He looks at Max but Max just shakes his head and shrugs.

We all sit on the couch for a while, in silence. Every now and then I look at Jordan, tears are leaking from his eyes but he doesn't care enough to whipe him away.
I think about Alice and how she doesn't deserve this. I don't know what to do to make this better, so I make a vow; when I get a girlfriend I will never hurt her... not ever.

"Jared!" Gemma yells from somewhere in her house. I could just yell back but I've been looking for an excuse to go see her anyway. She's busy doing some online shopping and told me to leave her alone. We haven't spent alot of alone time together lately so, NHL2009 can wait a bit.
I get up and cross the den, joggin up the stairs towards her room. I push open the door and she's sitting cross-legged on her computer chair. "What are we doing on the 21st to the 7th?"

"Huh? Umm... is this a trick question?" She smiles and shakes her head.
"... is there something you want to do?" She nodds and crosses the floor towards me, going up on her tip toes to wrap her arms around my neck.

"Wouldn't it be fun, to just get away for a couple weeks?" She pulls my face down towards her and starts to plant tiny kisses along my jaw. I nod trying to remember what she's talking about. "Cause... some of the girls saw this cruise line... it's a 2 week cruise of the Carribeans; only 3600$ each..."

I sigh knowing what she wants. "Who wants to go?"

She giggles, knowing that she's already won. "Ummm just some of the girls and us... so like... mayyyyybe 8 people total?"

I nod she gives me a quick kiss before she dashes back to the computer. I turn and walk out the room, pulling my cellphone out of my pocket.

"Hey Jordan! I need some..." I begin.

"How much?" He asks, not bothering to let me finish.

"Uhh..." I stop walking, trying to do math in my head, "Like... 30 grand?"

"Are you shitting me?"

"No..."

"I'll give you half... you talk to the other guys and figure something out."

"Ah sweet... thanks man."

"Should I be concerned about what you need this for?"

"Nope."

"Good n'uff."

I hang up and dial Eric's number. 'What do you want now?"

"Umm... 15 grand?"

"15? Are in deep with fucking bookies or something?"

"No, Gemma wants to go on a cruise." I hear him let out a sigh.

"How did you end up with her? You're not even in the fucking NHL yet for christ sakes."

"What are you talking about?"

"She's a gold-digger dating a guy from the OHL... it doesn't even make sense."

"She is not!"

"Yah... I bet... alright fine, 15 grand whatever..." I thank him and hang up, walking back to my room.

"Yah that's cool babe, you can book it." She squeals and jumps out of the chair again, jumping towards me with a grin on her face. We start to make out, falling back on her bed.
I pull back after a couple minutes, concious of her brother a few rooms over. "Guess this means you won't be going back to school for sure... are you sure you're positive about that?"

She nods at me. "Why would I need to go to school babe. You're going to play in the NHL and make lots of money to look after me. It's a waste of time if I go to college... besides, this way I can stay home with you." She pulls me down again and we resume our kiss, as I smile into it.

Everyone might keep saying bad things about her, but she had enough faith in me to drop out of college. That means something, doesn't it?

Part 4

The Christmas holidays came to an end faster than I thought possible. Before I realized it, it was time to pack up and head back home. Marc was driving back in his SUV; he had left the day before, Eric and I were both flying out this evening.

“Excited to get back?” Alice asks, leaning against the door to my room. My suitcase is on the bed, and I’m throwing the remainder of my clothing into it at random.

“Uh… yah, I’m excited to get back playing. I miss the guys too.”

“Aww, that’s so cute. You miss your boyfriends!”

I turn around and throw an old pair old sweatpants at her head. She laughs and tosses them into my suitcase, as she walks up behind me. “I’m gonna miss you guys… it’s been fun, all of us being together again.”

“I know,” I sigh and close my suitcase, turning around to face her. “Think maybe you could come visit me? You and Shamus would like Pittsburgh, guaranteed.”

She laughs and gives me a small smile. “I’d love to but I can’t see myself being able to get the time off work. Not after taking the last week off anyway. You could always give me a call though?”

“Yah I will for sure!” I sit down on the bed and pat the place beside me. Alice sits down. “I’m really glad you came for Christmas Allie, it’s been too long.”

“I was thinking the same thing… let’s stay in touch this time.” I nod, knowing that I will. There was no way I could allow myself to loose touch with her twice. So we would talk, possibly a lot; that’s all I could allow myself to hope for. We could be friends, I had blown my chance at anything else; but from where we had come from, friends was good.


The flight back was uneventful.
Sidney picked me up at the airport in the Range Rover; I walk out of the airport and see him parked off to the side, in the VIP area. I toss my suitcase in the backseat and hop in the front. He drives out of the airport and onto the highway.

“Good time?” He asks, weaving in and out of the downtown traffic.

“It was good, yah.” I stare out the window as the city flashes past. The short drive goes by quickly and soon my street comes into view.

“Everything ok man, you seem kind of subdued tonight.”

“Yah, everything’s cool.” I see him watching me from the corner of my eye and I know he doesn’t believe me. Sidney’s never been one to butt into peoples’ business though, so he lets it drop. He pulls up outside my building and I hop out onto the sidewalk, grabbing my bag from the back and walking back up to the passenger door. “I’ll see you for practice tomorrow morning alright?”

“Sure thing.”

“Thanks again for the drive Sid.”

“No problem, I’ll be awake for a bit if you need anything… just call the cell.” I nod and slam the door, heading up to the walkway to the front doors.


I sat on the edge of my bed, looking through the pictures in my hands. My mom developed our Christmas photos in time for me to take them home. There was lots of random family pictures, some great ones of my brothers and I; being idiots like usual. But there was one I couldn’t stop returning to though; Alice and I were on the couch, I had my arm around her and Shamus sat in between us. I got a strange feeling every time I saw it, I knew why. We looked like a family. We looked like my family; the family I should have had with Alice.
I was sure that it wasn’t just the fact that I wanted to settle down and have kids, that didn’t seem to be in the forefront of my mind; but I couldn’t put this picture down. How could I have screwed up so bad? More importantly… was I too late?





I was too late, I had to let it go.
I was curled up on my bed, Shamus nestled in beside me, as I stared at the picture in my hands of Jordan, Shamus and I. I had originally planned to spend the Christmas break here in New York, but I knew I had to see Jordan again, even if it would end up breaking my heart.
He seemed distant, different than he use to be; but that was to be expected, everyone wanted a piece of him and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him and all he must have to go through. Hell, look at what was happening to Jared.


“She’s my girlfriend, so be nice!” Jared yells in the room, before heading to the door and opening it. I feel Jordan stiffen beside me, Shamus still sleeping in his arms, as Marc and Eric exchange knowing glances. The girl swaggers into the room; her orange spray tan appears offensive in the white interior of the Staal’s home.
She’s platinum blonde, it clashes badly with her skin colour, and worse yet is the painted on daisy-dukes she’s wearing below a hot pink tube top. I stifle a giggle and look over at Jordan. His face turns red and he looks back at me, giving me a sad smile.
“Gemma this is my brother Eric, my brother Marc, my brother Jordan and this is Alice and Shamus.” He points at us respectively. “Everyone, this is Gemma.” Jared announces proudly, throwing his arm around her shoulders. I look around the silent room. Eric is doing his best to keep the forced smile on his face, Marc has given up formalities and is staring at the couple with his mouth open. I can’t figure out if he’s amazed Jared is so foolish, or impressed he has an attractive girlfriend.

“Hi! Ohmygosh,” She gushed, shrugging off Jared’s are and strutting into the room. “I’m such a huge fan of you guys, you’re all like… sooooooo awesome!” She lets out a giggle and claps her hands excitedly.

“It’s nice to meet you, we were just going actually though so… we’ll see you later… on…” Jordan gets up, careful not to wake Shamus and ushers me towards the stairs.

“Umm… is that baby yours?”

“I’m sorry?” Jordan asks turning around to face the orange Barbie.

“I didn’t know you like, had a baby…”

“I don’t... Shamus is Alice’s son.”

“Oh… and you guys are like… together?” She asks ignorantly, glaring at me as she speaks.

“Sure are!” He pulls me next to him and gives her a brilliant smile before ushering me back towards the stairs.

Gemma looks dumbfounded as Jared pulls her down onto the stairs next to him.



“I don’t believe him!” Jordan rages upstairs, after securing Shamus in his crib. “There’s no way… no way he’s that stupid! I can’t believe this… ugh!”

“It’s ok Jordie, it’s not like he’s getting married to her or anything…”

“No, but did you see the way he was looking at her? She came here hoping for on of the ’NHL Staal brothers’ and he doesn’t even see that. If she can’t get one of us then she’ll just hang on to Jared and ride his coat-tails… Shit! He knows better than this…”

“Maybe she’s not like that.” I shrug, trying to talk Jordan down; we both can assume that she is.

I looks over at me with an amused expression on his face. “Do you actually think she’s dating Jared because she thinks he’s got a nice personality? If that was the case she wouldn’t show up here dressed like THAT.” He points down to the floor, as if the act will explain to me why he’s so upset. I continue to stare blankly at him and he sighs. “It happened to me too. After I got to Pittsburgh. That really pretty girl comes up to you and you’re still naïve enough to think that she actually thinks your funny, charming and hot. Of course you gotta accept that you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering if she’s there for the name, the money or you but… for him to date someone that’s so obviously… ugh!” I flops down on my bed, running his hands through his hair.

“That’s not true Jordie, there’s lost of women that would love you for you.” I love you for you… I sigh and sit beside him.

He shakes his head. “It’s not that easy. I’ll never be Jordie to anyone… I’ll always be Jordan Staal of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Not that that’s really a bad thing but… it sure makes for a lonely life.”

“Well, you’re still Jordie to me.” I watch for his reaction. He’s too upset over Jared to really grasp what I’m trying to say.

“Thanks Allie.” He falls backwards onto my bed, closing his eyes. “Mind if we stay up here for a bit? I don’t think I can deal with THAT right now…”

“Sure…” I fall back beside him on my side, pulling my legs up to my chest and hugging them close. “I’m sorry that it’s like that for you Jordie. I’m sorry someone hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault… don’t worry about it. Hopefully you’re right… hopefully we’ll all find someone that likes us for the losers we are.” We both laugh and then fall into our own thoughts. I watch him as he continues to lie with his eyes closed; wondering what he’s thinking about… wondering if he knows that the girl he’s looking for is right here.

Part 3

"Marc! Get the door!" Mom is yelling from somewhere in the basement.

"I'm busy!"

"Eric! Door please!"

"I can't mom... get Jared to get it!"

"Jared...!" My mom is becoming exasperated.

"JORDAN GET THE DOOR!" Jared's' voice booms from below. I sigh as I push myself off my bed and jog down the stairs. I jog through the living room only to see my three brothers sprawled across the furniture playing the new NHL for Xbox. They look up at me and laugh, I can't help but laugh back too; some things will never change.

I reach the front door and pull it open. A baby wrapped in a Rangers blanket and strapped into a portable car seat is pushed into my arms, the unexpected weight forcing me back a step. My dad comes in and laughs at the look of surprise on my face as the child stares at me; sizing me up I'm sure.
Alice steps in next, her short hair spiked out every-which-way and covered in flakes of snow. She brushes it off hastily and smiles up at me. "You look terrified Jordie," she says in her tiny voice, "someone would think you've never seen a baby before."

"Seen yes... held no... you should probably take him back before I break him." She giggles but obliges me, taking the car seat out of my hands and moving into the living room with it. The boys pause their game as Alice sets Shamus down on the table; behind to sofa.
Marc, Eric and Jared all jump onto the couch, peering over the side. Apparently no one else notices my heart hammering through my chest.

"I don't think you could break him... he's pretty fat isn't he?"

"Marc!" My mom yells as she comes quickly into the living room to greet Alice with a hug. "He's a baby! And he's nothing compared to how big you use to be. Why, I can remember praying every night that you'd start walking soon... you were 7 months old and I was already getting back problems from lugging you around."

"That's why she ended up dropping him so much I guess..." Eric says quietly; causing Jared and I to laugh.

"He's cute but I don't know Alice... 'Rangers' really?!" Eric continues shaking his head in mock disgust, "poor, poor kid... he has no idea the heartache he's in for" We all laugh as Alice sighs.

"Well it was that or his Crosby jersey..."

"Crosby!" Marc squishes up his face in pretend outrage. "Where are all the ladies that love Marc Staal!?"

"Right here!" My mom exclaims, pulling Marc into a hug and kissing his cheek.

"Gee, thanks mom... that's exactly what I meant..."



As happy as my mom is to see Alice, she seems much more thrilled to have a baby in the house again. She's all but kidnapped Shamus; refusing to put him down, and inadvertently giving Alice an unusual amount of free time.
I find her sitting cross-legged on my bed, staring at the collage she made all those years ago.

"It's funny isn't it..." She says, not bothering to look up at me as I enter.

"What?"

"...how much has changed for all of us..."

I chuckle and nod my head, then feel foolish as I realize she's not looking at me to see. "Yah... it's pretty crazy."

"You're all playing pro hockey... well... you all will be soon..."

"You're a mom. That's a pretty big deal."

She smiles, finally turning to look at me. "Best thing I've ever done."

I cross the room and look out my window, onto the back the yard. There's no one left to skate on it but dad still has the old backyard rink freshly flooded; old habits die hard I suppose.

"Do you ever wonder what would of happened to us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like... what would of happened to us if we all had of ended up here... instead of... all over the country?" She gazes at me intently for a moment as I ponder the question. I look back out the window deep in thought.


I am seventeen, and it is my last day in Thunder Bay. I've been drafted to the Pittsburgh Penguins and my flight is leaving at 5:45am. It's 12:12 pm right now. The whole world seems to be opening up infront of me, but there is only one thing left that I want, one thing that isn't mine. She's sitting next to me on the bench seat of my father's old ford.
Alice is staring out the window up at the clear night sky, her eyes are full of tears. "I wish you wouldn't cry." I say, fiddling with my hands on the stearing wheel.

"I'm sorry... I'm ruining your last night here. You should be out celebrating; saying goodbye to everyone."

"There's no one else here that I care about. It's not like this is the first time I've gone away for hockey Aliie."

"I know... but this time is different..." We can both feel it. The truth spreads into the silence. This time I don't have a date to give her; I can't tell her when I'll be back. Everything I own has been packed into the back of this truck, ready to come with me to my new life. "How do I do it Jordie? How do I say goodbye to you?"

"It doesn't have to be goodbye... you could come with me..." No she can't. NYU is waiting. She has her own life, her own dreams. We joke about her moving to Pittsburgh too, but that's all it is... jokes. I can't ask her to give up her dreams for mine; I love her too much to be that selfish.

"You know I can't do that... Marc and Eric would be so jealous..." We both laugh, but it's an awkward laugh; it ends quickly.

"So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know, it's your last night here... what do you want to do?" Be with you, tell you I love you... I sigh.

"I have to meet dad at 3... we leave for the airport then..."

"That gives us a few hours still. Think Jordie..." She looks across the seat towards me, leaning in my direction. "What's something you've always wanted to do here that you never got the chance to do. This might be the last time you get to do it..."

I lean towards her, she so close that I can smell her lipgloss; it's coconut. I lick my lips as she stares straight into my eyes. She tilts her head to the side, a small smile crossing her lips. I pull back and begin fiddling with the dials of the radio... "Ummmm... hmmmm.... we could... go play on the tire swing?"

"It's after midnight..."

"I know... how long had it been since we went for a midnight swim?" She laughs and leans back over to her side of the truck.

"Sounds good to me."

****

Dad is standing at the terminal gate, checking with the flight attendent to make sure he's at the right one. Alice is standing beside me, her usually spikey hair has fallen limp, there is a sadness in her eyes. I want to hold her and make it go away, I know it was me that put it there. My dad calls my name, waving me over. Alice and I was slowly towards him; side by side.
"Well this is it Jordan. Mario's going to meet you at the airport in Pittsburgh... it's a direct flight so you don't have to worry about stop-overs or any of that nonsense." He looks older, more weathered than normal; he doesn't handle loosing his sons well. He slaps me on the shoulder before pulling me into a rough hug, which I return. "You take care of yourself now. You're mother and I will be down to visit, soon as we can."

"I will dad... I'll miss you." He nods and steps back, I can see that he's trying not to cry.

"Have fun Jordie... don't let them push you around too much. Stay in touch... ok?" I nod down at Alice. "Promise me. Promise me you'll stay in touch ok?" I continue to nod, not trusting my voice enough to speak. Alice is crying, the tears are falling silently down her cheeks.

"I'll see ya around..." I force a smile, and give her a tight hug. I pick up my carry on bag and head through the terminal gate; turning once to wave goodbye over my shoulder. My father has his arm around Alice and is waving back; Alice isn't looking at me. Her hands are covering her face and she is turned into my father, her shoulders shaking with the pain I know she is trying to hide from me.

I take my seat on the flight, pulling out my headphone immediatly and pushing them into my ears. As the plane takes off I realize that I am crying. I put my head back on the seat and take deep breaths to try and calm myself.
All that's left to do now, is pray that Alice knows how I truly feel. Pray that she realizes when I say 'I'll see ya around...' I really mean, 'I will always love you'.



"So do you?" Alice's voice pulls me back.

"Huh?"

Alice is laughing now, "Hello... earth to Jordan..."

"Oh sorry... I guess I wasn't paying attention."

She shakes her head, her greens eyes twinkling with amusment. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened to us?"

"No..." I say, turning my eyes to her; I don't wonder I know... we would have been together forever. Shamus would be son and I would have saved you from all the pain that you had to suffer through. We would have been happy together... you would have been mine. I shake my head. "I guess I've never really thought about it..."