Part 4

The Christmas holidays came to an end faster than I thought possible. Before I realized it, it was time to pack up and head back home. Marc was driving back in his SUV; he had left the day before, Eric and I were both flying out this evening.

“Excited to get back?” Alice asks, leaning against the door to my room. My suitcase is on the bed, and I’m throwing the remainder of my clothing into it at random.

“Uh… yah, I’m excited to get back playing. I miss the guys too.”

“Aww, that’s so cute. You miss your boyfriends!”

I turn around and throw an old pair old sweatpants at her head. She laughs and tosses them into my suitcase, as she walks up behind me. “I’m gonna miss you guys… it’s been fun, all of us being together again.”

“I know,” I sigh and close my suitcase, turning around to face her. “Think maybe you could come visit me? You and Shamus would like Pittsburgh, guaranteed.”

She laughs and gives me a small smile. “I’d love to but I can’t see myself being able to get the time off work. Not after taking the last week off anyway. You could always give me a call though?”

“Yah I will for sure!” I sit down on the bed and pat the place beside me. Alice sits down. “I’m really glad you came for Christmas Allie, it’s been too long.”

“I was thinking the same thing… let’s stay in touch this time.” I nod, knowing that I will. There was no way I could allow myself to loose touch with her twice. So we would talk, possibly a lot; that’s all I could allow myself to hope for. We could be friends, I had blown my chance at anything else; but from where we had come from, friends was good.


The flight back was uneventful.
Sidney picked me up at the airport in the Range Rover; I walk out of the airport and see him parked off to the side, in the VIP area. I toss my suitcase in the backseat and hop in the front. He drives out of the airport and onto the highway.

“Good time?” He asks, weaving in and out of the downtown traffic.

“It was good, yah.” I stare out the window as the city flashes past. The short drive goes by quickly and soon my street comes into view.

“Everything ok man, you seem kind of subdued tonight.”

“Yah, everything’s cool.” I see him watching me from the corner of my eye and I know he doesn’t believe me. Sidney’s never been one to butt into peoples’ business though, so he lets it drop. He pulls up outside my building and I hop out onto the sidewalk, grabbing my bag from the back and walking back up to the passenger door. “I’ll see you for practice tomorrow morning alright?”

“Sure thing.”

“Thanks again for the drive Sid.”

“No problem, I’ll be awake for a bit if you need anything… just call the cell.” I nod and slam the door, heading up to the walkway to the front doors.


I sat on the edge of my bed, looking through the pictures in my hands. My mom developed our Christmas photos in time for me to take them home. There was lots of random family pictures, some great ones of my brothers and I; being idiots like usual. But there was one I couldn’t stop returning to though; Alice and I were on the couch, I had my arm around her and Shamus sat in between us. I got a strange feeling every time I saw it, I knew why. We looked like a family. We looked like my family; the family I should have had with Alice.
I was sure that it wasn’t just the fact that I wanted to settle down and have kids, that didn’t seem to be in the forefront of my mind; but I couldn’t put this picture down. How could I have screwed up so bad? More importantly… was I too late?





I was too late, I had to let it go.
I was curled up on my bed, Shamus nestled in beside me, as I stared at the picture in my hands of Jordan, Shamus and I. I had originally planned to spend the Christmas break here in New York, but I knew I had to see Jordan again, even if it would end up breaking my heart.
He seemed distant, different than he use to be; but that was to be expected, everyone wanted a piece of him and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him and all he must have to go through. Hell, look at what was happening to Jared.


“She’s my girlfriend, so be nice!” Jared yells in the room, before heading to the door and opening it. I feel Jordan stiffen beside me, Shamus still sleeping in his arms, as Marc and Eric exchange knowing glances. The girl swaggers into the room; her orange spray tan appears offensive in the white interior of the Staal’s home.
She’s platinum blonde, it clashes badly with her skin colour, and worse yet is the painted on daisy-dukes she’s wearing below a hot pink tube top. I stifle a giggle and look over at Jordan. His face turns red and he looks back at me, giving me a sad smile.
“Gemma this is my brother Eric, my brother Marc, my brother Jordan and this is Alice and Shamus.” He points at us respectively. “Everyone, this is Gemma.” Jared announces proudly, throwing his arm around her shoulders. I look around the silent room. Eric is doing his best to keep the forced smile on his face, Marc has given up formalities and is staring at the couple with his mouth open. I can’t figure out if he’s amazed Jared is so foolish, or impressed he has an attractive girlfriend.

“Hi! Ohmygosh,” She gushed, shrugging off Jared’s are and strutting into the room. “I’m such a huge fan of you guys, you’re all like… sooooooo awesome!” She lets out a giggle and claps her hands excitedly.

“It’s nice to meet you, we were just going actually though so… we’ll see you later… on…” Jordan gets up, careful not to wake Shamus and ushers me towards the stairs.

“Umm… is that baby yours?”

“I’m sorry?” Jordan asks turning around to face the orange Barbie.

“I didn’t know you like, had a baby…”

“I don’t... Shamus is Alice’s son.”

“Oh… and you guys are like… together?” She asks ignorantly, glaring at me as she speaks.

“Sure are!” He pulls me next to him and gives her a brilliant smile before ushering me back towards the stairs.

Gemma looks dumbfounded as Jared pulls her down onto the stairs next to him.



“I don’t believe him!” Jordan rages upstairs, after securing Shamus in his crib. “There’s no way… no way he’s that stupid! I can’t believe this… ugh!”

“It’s ok Jordie, it’s not like he’s getting married to her or anything…”

“No, but did you see the way he was looking at her? She came here hoping for on of the ’NHL Staal brothers’ and he doesn’t even see that. If she can’t get one of us then she’ll just hang on to Jared and ride his coat-tails… Shit! He knows better than this…”

“Maybe she’s not like that.” I shrug, trying to talk Jordan down; we both can assume that she is.

I looks over at me with an amused expression on his face. “Do you actually think she’s dating Jared because she thinks he’s got a nice personality? If that was the case she wouldn’t show up here dressed like THAT.” He points down to the floor, as if the act will explain to me why he’s so upset. I continue to stare blankly at him and he sighs. “It happened to me too. After I got to Pittsburgh. That really pretty girl comes up to you and you’re still naïve enough to think that she actually thinks your funny, charming and hot. Of course you gotta accept that you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering if she’s there for the name, the money or you but… for him to date someone that’s so obviously… ugh!” I flops down on my bed, running his hands through his hair.

“That’s not true Jordie, there’s lost of women that would love you for you.” I love you for you… I sigh and sit beside him.

He shakes his head. “It’s not that easy. I’ll never be Jordie to anyone… I’ll always be Jordan Staal of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Not that that’s really a bad thing but… it sure makes for a lonely life.”

“Well, you’re still Jordie to me.” I watch for his reaction. He’s too upset over Jared to really grasp what I’m trying to say.

“Thanks Allie.” He falls backwards onto my bed, closing his eyes. “Mind if we stay up here for a bit? I don’t think I can deal with THAT right now…”

“Sure…” I fall back beside him on my side, pulling my legs up to my chest and hugging them close. “I’m sorry that it’s like that for you Jordie. I’m sorry someone hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault… don’t worry about it. Hopefully you’re right… hopefully we’ll all find someone that likes us for the losers we are.” We both laugh and then fall into our own thoughts. I watch him as he continues to lie with his eyes closed; wondering what he’s thinking about… wondering if he knows that the girl he’s looking for is right here.